 Show Posts
|
|
Pages: 1 2 [3] 4
|
|
31
|
Stuff / Stuff / Two blondes at the pearly gates
|
on: October 11, 2006, 01:59:02 AM
|
Two blondes at the pearly gates Two blondes were waiting at the Pearly Gates and struck up a conversation. First blonde says "How did you die?" Second says "I froze to death". First blonde says "Must have been awful." Second blonde says "How did you die?" First blonde says "I had a heart attack, I knew my husband was being unfaithful so I came home unexpectedly one day and rushed to the bedroom and found my husband alone reading. I rushed to the basement and nobody was hiding there, I rushed to the attic and still no one, and after all that rushing around I had a heart attack and died." Second blonde says, "If only you'd looked in the freezer we'd both still be alive." ________________________________________ auto accident lawyers new jersey homeowners insurance bad credit home mortgage refinance |
|
|
|
|
32
|
Stuff / Stuff / blonde compact
|
on: October 11, 2006, 01:56:21 AM
|
Blonde Compact Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"  ________________________________________ motorcycle accident lawyerscalifornia equity loansonline homeowners insurance quote |
|
|
|
|
34
|
Stuff / Stuff / an important paper
|
on: October 10, 2006, 03:33:12 AM
|
A young executive was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the CEO (Chief Executive Officer) standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy." _______________________________________________ florida home owners insurancedefective product lawyers washington dccheap term life insurance |
|
|
|
|
35
|
Stuff / Stuff / no ears
|
on: October 10, 2006, 03:29:27 AM
|
There was this man who was in a horrible accident, and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both of his ears. As a result of this "unusual" handicap, he was very self-conscious about his having no ears. Because of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business, so he decided with all this money he had, he now had the means to own a business. So he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The first interview went really well. He really liked this guy. His last question for this first candidate was "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy said, "Now that you mention it, you have no ears." The man got really upset and threw the guy out. The second interview went even better than the first. This candidate was much better than the first. Again, to conclude the interview, the man asked the same question again, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy also noticed, "Yes, you have no ears." The man was really upset again, and threw this second candidate out. Then he had the third interview. The third candidate was even better than the second, the best out of all of them. Almost certain that he wanted to hire this guy, the man once again asked, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy replied "Yeah, I bet you are wearing contact lenses." Surprised, the man then asked, "Wow! That's quite perceptive of you! How could you tell?" The guy burst out laughing and said you can't wear glasses if you don't have any ears! _________________________________________________ home owner insurance arizonadefective products attorneycost term life insurance |
|
|
|
|
36
|
Stuff / Stuff / marketing101
|
on: October 10, 2006, 03:27:28 AM
|
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition. _________________________________________________ home owner insurance company defective siding instant term life insurance |
|
|
|
|
39
|
Stuff / Stuff / Re: just for laughs
|
on: October 07, 2006, 02:48:46 AM
|
Bumper stickers 01 I love animals, they taste great. EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later. "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes." Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. He who laughs last thinks slowest! Give me ambiguity or give me something else. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. ----------------------------------------------------------- pennsylvania defective product attorneycanadian insurance quotescredit card debt consolidate |
|
|
|
|
42
|
Stuff / Stuff / Re: Jokes
|
on: October 06, 2006, 05:28:04 AM
|
Real advertisements 02 Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country. For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy. Great Dames for sale. Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin. Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in. The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities. ----------------------- lasik eye surgery miami car accident report bad credit equity loans |
|
|
|
|
43
|
Stuff / Stuff / Re: Jokes
|
on: October 06, 2006, 05:26:12 AM
|
|
Real advertisements 02
Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.
For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.
Great Dames for sale.
Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.
Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.
|
|
|
|
|
44
|
Stuff / Stuff / Re: just for laughs
|
on: October 06, 2006, 05:22:01 AM
|
Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country. Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00. For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory. Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. _______________________________________________________________________ los angeles lasik eye car accident texas equity loans home |
|
|
|
|
Forum 
