heard a good one this morning:

Why did the blonde sniff Nutrasweet?

. . .
..
. .

Cause she thought it was Diet Coke.

Burger joint conversations nationwide
M.I.T.: "I had a nervous breakdown this weekend."
"Have some fries."

Caltech: "I had three nervous breakdowns this weekend."
"Have some fries."

Yale: "I got mugged on the way to class today."
"Have some fries."

Brown: "I got a nose ring this weekend, Professor Smith."
"Cool! Me too! Have some fries."

Swarthmore: "I got a B."
"Anywhere else it would have been an A. Have some fries."

Princeton: "My father took away my Porsche this weekend."
"Poor dear. Have some Escargot."

Harvard: "Did you do anything this weekend?"
"Nope. Have some fries."

Williams: "Don't I know you?"
"Of course you do, silly. Have some fries."

Cornell: "I killed my lab partner this weekend."
"Bummer. Have some fries."

Columbia: "I wish I could be eating these fries at a better school."
"Me too. Let's go get shot."

Penn: "I wish I could be eating these fries at a better school."
"Me too. Let's transfer to Columbia."

Stanford: "Dude, I have so much work this weekend."
"Like, chill out, dude. Have some, like, fries."

Dartmouth: "Oh man, I got so trashed this weekend."
"Have some beer."

Tufts: "I wish I were Ivy League."
"Here, drink the fry grease."


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Real advertisements 02

Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.

For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.

Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.

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A young executive was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the CEO (Chief Executive Officer) standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."



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