Nada Mucho

Correspondencia: September 1999

Posted by October 11th, 1999 No Comments »

Between 1997 and 1999 NadaMucho.com published a web “magazine” every few months. In each issue we responded to every email we got from readers. Our replies were often mean-spirited and uninformed, so naturally they are worth re-posting. The picture is from a staff party where we ordered some Absinthe from one of the four remaining countries that produce it with actual wormwood. 

Correspondencia
Feedback From Our Loyal Readers
August/September 1999
Got something to say? Tell us.

Sept 18, 1999
Subject: top films of the 90’s

what? no “Natural Born Killers”?
bluet04@anti-social.com

(Blue, I agree that NBK should have been on the list. You, however, frighten me a bit. An NBK fan emailing from “anti-social.com”? You don’t own a trenchcoat, do you? If you’re going on a killing spree soon, I suggest you start with Nada Mucho Web Designer Mark Watters. That guy’s worthless. I’m just ribbing you, bud. You and Mark are A-OK in my book. Keep fightin’ the power. – GB)

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Sept. 17, 1999
Subject: In Response to Jesus Medina [Read Jesus’ letter]

I think Mr. Medina has been in the overly politically correct U.S. way too long.

My 12 year old’s best friend [Mexican], came home after spending the summer in Mexico – bearing some of the most UN-“PC” souvenirs I’ve ever seen! We are now the proud owners of a toothpick holder which also happens to be a clay sombreroed man, face down, pants down around his knees, a tequila bottle shoved in his back pocket, and little holes in his ass to hold the toothpicks.

The moral of the story?…I guess you have to go to Mexico to get the good “Un-PC” souvenirs.

Hasta la vista
Kay

(Kay, thanks for writing. You can also get some fantastic “Un-PC” souvenirs in our very own Washington state in a little burg they call Othello. The other week at the Greater Othello Swap Meet I picked up the greatest pair of salt and pepper shakers. The salt shaker looks like a pig wearing a T-shirt that says “Beef”. The pepper shaker looks like a farmer with a randy gleam in his eye wearing a T-shirt that says “I love Beef”. Get it? I chortle every time I season my cabbage. – GB)

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Sept 17, 1999
Subject: I’m Impressed

Matt – This is Michelle (aka Jay and Todd’s former but still fabulous roomate), I have just taken a look at your website for the first time and might I say I am very impressed. If I can ever give you any advice on why everyone should watch Ricky Lake/Jerry Springer/Dawson’s Creek/Ally McBeal/Felicity, you just let me know. I’m very impressed.

Gardiner, Michelle L

Michelle.Gardiner@PSS.Boeing.com

(Michelle: This one time when I stayed over at your guy’s pad I was jerking off watching one of Jay’s pornos and I heard you get up to go to the bathroom. I quickly pushed stop on the VCR and covered myself with the blanket. You didn’t notice did you? – Gabe)

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Sept 16, 1999
Subject: Fav movies

hahahaha the list is a funny joke right!

Anonymous

(I admit it, you got us. None of us have ever even seen a movie. We just thought it would be very humorous in a sort of post-modern, ironic, neo-Jungian, anti-Carpathian way to make a favorite movie list even though we hate movies. But you, Anonymous, saw right through our little scheme. Clever, clever anonymous. – GB)

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Sept. 12, 1999
Subject: open letter to matt ashworth

Dear Matt:
I was advised to check out your review of our CD Undertow by my friend and bandmate, Mick. You courteously notified him that a review had been posted. Thanks for the kind words. I’ve got you pegged. You see yourself as a pseudo-intellectual. You wank off with your two friends every time you get to write something for the ten readers of your little site, and you are heavily into the music that you deem “alternative”. You hate the Dipsomaniacs – that’s cool. Apparently you’re either too aloof or dense to pick up on any type of sarcasm, humor or tongue in cheek lyrics. We do not aspire to be the most original band around and we’re proud to use the entire history of rock & roll as a source of reference. Do you play in a band or write songs? If so, I’d love to hear what you’ve done. Better yet, why don’t you e-mail me a list of your top twenty albums of all time so I can see what you think is quality. To sum up, we’ve received negative reviews before (although they are greatly outnumbered by rave reviews) and we’re certainly open to criticism. But when a condescending, sniveling little snit like yourself thinks its cool to dump on the Dipsomaniacs like that – you better be prepared to defend yourself.

Sincerely,

Tom O’Grady

Tjolaw@aol.com

PS Thanks for calling my drumming “adequate”. I think that was the most favorable description in the whole review.

(Tom, thanks so much for the feedback. After writing that review I listened to your album a few more times and changed my mind. Your drumming also sucks. – MA)

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Sept. 11, 1999

Hey Guys. Great site. I wanted to share something with you – Everybody should hate Bill Walton. The tall, red-headed dork or cocksucker is a basketball analyst for NBC. He is usually on Sundays (sucking Bob Costas’s dick), commentating on headliner games about how good(he sucks dick) he was and how the players back then were better. Well Bill, I don’t think players in 1902 were athletic as the players are today. Bill also likes to ramble on about (how many dicks he could suck) past teams, great players that used to play the game (he liked to take it from). He also likes (it in) certain (ways) teams. I can understand some commentators liking the team that they locally work for, and saying things about their team that isn’t subjective. Now as for national broadcasts, commentators have to be careful how much they hype one team and not the other. However, Bill will talk all day about (this) one (guy he fucked) team, their players, how they are beating the other team, how he might have played with somebody’s father, or how back in the day he would just do that (guy) or this (guy).

I think I speak for some of you who are fans of teams that may not be that good, or they don’t have star players, when I say fuck Bill the cocksucker supreme Walton and his ability to (suck every executive at NBC off) start talking up one team during the course of the game and then faulting them at the end when they loose and how dominate the other team was. I just don’t think that he is a good commentator. I do not understand how NBC keeps him on the airways. He must be suckin’ some major dick to have such a prominent job in that big of a market.

So I urge you my fellow basketball fans, when Bill (I like to suck cock) Walton comes on your television, mute his dumb ass and turn on the tunes.

Anonymous

(Anonymous, I agree that Bill Walton is terrible. However, I’m a bit concerned about your preoccupation with cocksucking. Such extensive references to homosexual activity general indicates the writer is either a latent or closeted homosexual. I humbly suggest that the healthiest thing for you, Anonymous, is to come out of the closet, give in to your secret desires, and drop to your knees and suck Bill Walton’s gigantic red-pubed cock. – MW)

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Aug. 23, 1999
Subject: rock and/or roll

Hey boyz,

Super web site. Nice to see some eastsiders representin’ on the WWW. (Do you really tell people you’re from Yakima?) If you ever compile the best songs of 1992 don’t forget to include “What’s Goin’ On” as performed by Jolly Rancher at the Off the Record parking lot.

Hasta la proxima,

Mike Grim

Tjolaw@aol.com

(Yakima? Where’ss that? – Matt)

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Aug. 12, 1999
Subject: kiss my ass

You know what man…you’re a real asshole. Fuck you and fuck nadamucho.com.

Faith Gundran

Faith.Gundran@METROKC.GOV

(Faith, I assume you’re referring to Matt. You are right. He is an asshole. But you remember that part where you say “fuck nadamucho.com”? That part kind of turned me on. – GB)

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Fri, 30 Jul 99
Subject: Brendan O’Brien RULZ

More more more from Brendan O’Brien, please! HE’S WACKY!

“Angie Bunker” angieb@simsnow.com

(Angie, If you like Brendan’s work and would like to see more from him, I suggest you blow him. Then I won’t have to anymore. – MA)

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Thu, 29 Jul 99 21:40PM PDT
Subject: OK, Sean, should I uncover the REAL you?

Sean-a-thon, Shawnny, Sean, Sean!

When on earth did you get such a filthy little mouth? I miss you, little cousin! Cool website, I signed up for your newsletter. If anyone wants to know about Sean as a young gangling, awkward child, please let me know! I’ve heard enough about your hairy ass, though…let it be, Sean. Write me.

Bridgette

JECmama@aol.com

(Soon the whole world will be begging me to stop talking about my ass as I spew profanities like a crackhead with Tourette’s. P.S. Hope all is well back home. – SO)

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Thu, 29 Jul 99

Comments: Hi! You might know me as “Cabriolet” from “Honey’s” in south Everett. I was turned on to your website while giving the “lapmaster 5000” treatment to your good friend Norm. I’d always wondered why Normy kept muttering “Nada mucho…nada mucho..” during our special times – as if it were his mantra..well..NOW I know why! You guys are GODS. Due to Joe’s insightful, indepth writings – I’ve decided to turn my life around and become a neurosurgeon [or work on world peace..I still haven’t decided].

Thanks Nada Mucho! You’ve changed my life!

Cabriolet

(Dear Cabriolet, (if I could be so bold as to call you Cabriolet), please never compliment Joe again. It sickens me. – GB)

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June 13, 1999
Subject: Chris Allison, you naughty naughty spackling compound!

Hello Chris, it’s Zack. Yes, you might know me from such e-mails as the Melissa, and the millions of get-rich-quick-while-fucking-xxx barely legal teens e-mails…but now I tell you this–

Rubber spends its time masturbating in Central Park, while nutmeg rests on my shoulder. That’s for the kama sutra of W.

And I’ll see you Wednesday in the land of the Blue Hen. Where we shall fight the bestialities, and feast upon their unshaven and unbathed flesh. Old Man Madory says hello, and next time he sees you he promises he won’t kiss you on your nipple again.

Yo. Dollars, dol-lars, it’s murdUR.

K r y m e s t o n E

“It’s Friday, I’m in love.”

(Zach, Zach, are you, perchance, a Legomaniac? I bet you are. – GB)


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