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Staff Bio: Joe Vallejos

Posted by June 20th, 2003 No Comments »

Staff Writer

Q. If you were to see Joe naked, what would you think?
A. You would probably say that Joe is the fattest skinny person in the world. His girth is hidden by baggy clothes and burlap sacks.

Q. What separates Joe from all the other riff raff in the world?
A. Joe is the among the youngest people in the world to suffer from gout. This terrible affliction restricts him from walking and drinking beer. Have no fear, Joe is taking a pill that limits the secretion of uric acid, which used to build up in the joints of his feet. Now he can run and jump and laugh and sing and live and love.

Q. What is the greatest accomplishment of Joe’s 26 years?
A. Scoring four goals in a soccer game when he was ten. The opponent on the day was a team of girls. Joe could not be stopped that day. Those girls will never forget that prolific little guy that owned them on that fall day.

Q. Are there any rumors that need to be dispelled about Joe?
A. Joe has never lured any small children into his gingerbread house.

Q. If I saw Joe walking down the street, could I beat him up?
A. Not if you’re an old woman.

Joe Vallejos on Nada MuchoQ. Is there a particular fashion trend that Joe wishes would come back?
A. Joe looks fantastic in a pair of parachute pants.

Q. If I am going out with Joe and I want to dump him, what line should I use?
A. “I can no longer see you because I am married to the sea.”)


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