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Television, the Drug of the Nation – Infomercials

Posted by October 10th, 2003 No Comments »

Television, the Drug of the Nation: Infomercials
By Joe Vallejos

Infomercials cloud the airwaves during those early morning hours when you are so drunk you can hardly see. To me, there is nothing better than seeing a new product on TV that will free you from the shackles of ever having to lift a finger again. These products enable us to live out our dreams of laziness and slothfulness. After purchasing the “Rotato”, I certainly won’t be peeling any potatoes the old fashioned way. Hell, it even strips a kiwi in no time flat.

Television, the Drug of the Nation: Infomercials
By Joe Vallejos

Infomercials cloud the airwaves during those early morning hours when you are so drunk you can hardly see. To me, there is nothing better than seeing a new product on TV that will free you from the shackles of ever having to lift a finger again. These products enable us to live out our dreams of laziness and slothfulness. After purchasing the “Rotato”, I certainly won’t be peeling any potatoes the old fashioned way. Hell, it even strips a kiwi in no time flat.

Among my favorite products of recent “infomercialdom” is the Red Devil. I bet none of you knew you could make a pineapple upside down cake on the beach. Of course, you can with this miracle grill. It can also be used as a standard bar-b-que, but it is so much more. In addition to cakes, this revolutionary item has different heat zones that allow the user to simultaneously cook bacon, eggs, toast and five-alarm Texas chili. And it also serves as a chafing dish! Now I don’t know exactly what that is, but it sounds great. Another feature is that you can move the Devil in order to serve your hungry beach mates using the stay-cool handles. The Red Devil also comes in an attractive carrying case.

Another fine product sold over the airwaves is the new Ronco rotisserie grill. You can put kebabs in there and, (here comes the catch phrase of the hour), “Set it and forget it!!!” Perfect for entertaining guests, or if you’re going to be home late from work. If I had kids I could call ahead and have them set it and forget it. The grill makes perfect Cornish game hens, salmon, and baby back ribs, a personal favorite of Ron Popeil, inventor of this miracle product. Along with all these wonderful products, there are also some poor ones. The Slam Man is a horrible work out, as is Tae-bo. Anyone who has had the misfortune to see one of Billy Blank’s movies can attest to that. And who could forget Ronco’s spray-on hair? I urge every reader to give infomercials a chance. They are good entertainment, especially in those wee morning hours. So watch, and please have your credit card ready. You too can have a Eurosealer sitting in your drawer.

Purchase a Closet Genie!

Read notes from pathetic losers who do Tae bo!


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