Nada Mucho

I’m Right, You’re Wrong: Sex Advice for the Confused

Posted by July 20th, 2003 No Comments »

Nobody likes me because my cock is so big. No. Seriously. What do I do? And my girlfriend tells me size doesn’t matter. How do I change her mind?

– Groinal Intimidator?

Umm, I fail to see what in the hell your problem might be. If your girlfriend likes your size, you should be happy to have a woman who adores your humongous dick. Forget about changing her mind, Groinal Intimidator, and ply her (gently but firmly) with your super sized tool.

What can you tell about making a request to my honies (sic) for the butthole (sic)? Is there a way to do it more suttle (sic) so its (sic) more likely to be a go?

– Love The Ass

You definitely shouldn’t ask them in writing, my friend, as your literary skills seem to be sorely lacking in eloquence. If you’re jonesing for the ass, try playing around down there a little to see if she’s into it. Continue along the same line if her body language deems those actions fit. In my experience, guys seem to try to guide themselves down to that area and wait to see if you’ll move them manually to the preferred hole. If you press against her secret dirty spot and she seems to react positively, you can consider that a green light. Proceed with caution, and good luck!

Should a guy who REFUSES to carpet munch demand a blowjob? Aren’t these two acts similar? He says that munching is so personal he really has to get to know a girl before doing that (side note: he was married before and his ex-wife never got munched). When I asked how long he usually waits, he said “a few months” and then whipped his dick out and requested a little sucky-sucky. If he refuses to munch, should I give him what he wants? Communication isn’t an issue; he’s just a sex toy.

– Lonely Vagina

Turn-around is fair play when oral sex or any other sex act is concerned. If your partner doesn’t think he knows YOU well enough to go down on you, why would you want to drop to your knees when he lowers his trousers? And on top of that, why would you pick a “sex toy” that doesn’t want to play ALL the games? There are plenty of men out there that would love to lick you silly, Lonely, so go out there and nominate one of them to keep you company.

I like to have anal sex. I like to start in the puss and then switch over to the ass but I don’t want to take the time to put a condom on. I am worried about transferring bacteria from my ass into my vagina. Do you have any suggestions?

No one likes to have sex more than I do, but I’m also a huge fan of safety measures. I’d like to say first off that if you’re not with a monogamous partner that has been tested (as well as yourself), ALWAYS use a condom! I hate rubbers as much as the next person, but I would hate dying a slow death a bit more, I’m assuming. OK, soapbox speech is over. You state that you like to start with vaginal sex and then switch to anal sex. This won’t be as much of a problem with bacteria transference as compared to analà vaginal sex. If you’re opposed to using a condom, take the time to wash your partner’s penis before proceeding and be sure to urinate immediately after sex in order to flush bacteria from your urethra.

I think you should do a poll on favorite sexual positions…I am curious to see what ones would be voted for most. I personally like doggy style and girl on top, facing his feet. Yummy!

I’ll do anything to please my readers. Anything. A survey on sexual positions is to the right. Please take a second to vote, so everyone can know what kinky pervs we all are.

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