Interview Tips 2003
A few years back NadaMucho.com ran a set of interview tips designed to help its staff of recent college graduates increase their stock in the job market. As the economy continues to struggle and more of our peers collect unemployment in 2003 than ever before, we thought it might be time to share an updated version with our new readers.
Nada Mucho Presents: Interview Tips
By Nada Staff
If you’re like most of our staff, then you are constantly looking for opportunities to move up the corporate ladder. And that means one thing – INTERVIEWS. The following tips have helped all of us get to where we’re at, so the next time you have a big interview, try these.
Try memorizing 3-4 generic answers in advance that you can use to answer any question. Try “I really like working with people,” “I have a lot of spirit,” “I keep fresh biceps in the cellar,” or “I hate everyone.”
For a week prior to the interview, do not shower, shave, or brush your teeth. This will make your potential employer know that you really do need a job.
Curse a lot.
This will show those assholes that you are a “take no prisoners” type of guy.
Relax. Enjoy two 40-ounce bottles of Colt 45 prior to interview. This will loosen you up for the inevitable stress of the interview and make it easier to speak your mind.
Don’t feel pressured.
Remember, you don’t have to answer all of the questions. If you don’t know an answer, just keep quiet. Ignore attempts from the interviewer to “rephrase,” or “make sure you understand” the question. If you stay perfectly silent long enough, the interviewer is bound to give up and go on to an easier question.
Deal with tough questions promptly and move on.
If you don’t know the answer to a particular question, you have three options. 1) Pretend to barf 2) barf 3) look around nervously at the ceiling, then say, “They’re watching aren’t they? You told them. You stupid motherfuckers, how could you? Next question.”