Q: Who is Matt Ashworth?
A: Matt is a megalomaniacal dictator who makes life miserable for everyone on his staff. His complete lack of any sense of humor make him a very unpopular man. Matt suffers from an unrealistic sense of self-worth, characterized by blatant arrogance and delusions of grandeur.
Q: What accomplishment is Matt most proud of?
A: Matt took 10th place in Yakima County Elk’s Spelling Bee in 5th grade. After successfully spelling “naive” and “resuscitate,” he misspelled the word “furnous.”
Q: What is Matt’s favorite Fleetwood Mac song?
A: “The Chain”
Q: How can I get to know Matt Ashworth?
A: Matt is a very introverted, closed person. To break through Matt’s thick outer shell, it takes patience, determination, and understanding. A good way to start is by sending Matt fanmail, buying him drinks, or giving him sexual favors.
Q: Why would I want to get to know Matt Ashworth?
A: You probably wouldn’t.
Q: If I had to choose between a) spending an hour with Matt Ashworth or b) participating in an Amway convention, which would be more interesting?
A: Amway has some pretty good products, folks.
Q: If one Matt Ashworth were to leave Boston at 4:30 p.m. heading west and traveling at a rate of 14 miles per hour, while a second Matt Ashworth were to leave Boston at 3 p.m. at a rate of 27 MPH, at which point would the second Matt Ashworth overtake the first one?
A: Somewhere near Gary, Indiana.