By Abby Baker
Recently, in an attempt to understand the systems within systems that make Nada Mucho function, I sat down with Nada’s founders, Matt Ashworth and Gabe Baker. Sadly, Nada’s overnight success has brought all the perils of fame and fortune into the lives of these formerly fancy-free young dandies. Death threats from militant microbiologists, Melissa Joan Hart’s incessant stalking, and numerous rape attempts by former members of Brit boy band Take That prevented the Founding Fathers from sitting down with me at one time. To ensure Nada’s continuing success, they have sworn to never be within a one mile radius of each other; if one is taken out, the other will carry on the dream.
Abby: When/Why was Nada Mucho Created?
Matt: I could spin some yarn about wanting to channel our creative energies or provide an alternative to the stilted, pretentious rock press that exists today. But basically, we’re both just too lazy for day jobs. Also, we weren’t good enough to be in a band and we thought this might help us score chicks.
Gabe: I did it for the children.
Abby: What was the inspiration for Nada Mucho?
Matt: My major influences are Jan Hammer, Sinbad, Tom Skerritt, and Margaret Meade.
Gabe: Funny story. The inspiration for Nada was a song by the legendary band Chicago called “You’re The Inspiration.” Get it? In 1992 Matt and I were snuggling on a bearskin rug in front of a roaring fire in a cabin in the Catskills. When Peter Cetera sang, “You know our love was meant to be, the kind of love that lasts forever,” I realized that the best way to express my love of life was to edit a pop-culture magazine.
Abby: What’s with the name, “Nada Mucho”?
Matt: It’s Spanish for “pees sitting down,” which I think pretty much speaks for itself.
Gabe: Well, “Toad the Wet Sprocket” was already taken, so “Nada Mucho” was the next obvious choice.
Abby: What is, in your opinion, the “typical” Nada Mucho reader?
Matt: Over 40, lonely, and most likely drunk.
Gabe: 16-year-old girl, long blonde hair, Catholic school, knee high white stockings, voluptuous, naughty.
Abby: What is your favorite thing about being a “Founding Father” of Nada Mucho?
Matt: The loving adoration of millions of internet surfers worldwide. And of course the aforementioned chicks.
Gabe: Nothing. Nada Mucho sucks.
Abby: How has Nada Mucho’s success changed your life?
Matt: Although I’m rich, successful, and famous, I’m still a down-to-earth guy at heart. Except of course for the yachts, the coke, and the whores.
Gabe: With the success of Nada has come added responsibilities. In order to appear presentable for the screaming hordes of fans that camp outside my window ala the Today show or TRL, I now shower and brush my teeth on a weekly basis.
Abby: Where do you see Nada Mucho in five years?
Matt: Five years from now Gabe and I will own everything you read, see, or hear. Nada Mucho, Inc., will own all the record labels, radio stations, television stations, magazines, web design companies, and newspapers in the world. We’ll be revered by the masses and hated by those we originally wanted to entertain. We will also monopolize the BoChoy industry because that’s Gabe’s favorite vegetable.
Gabe: What Matt said. Alternative possibility: In five years Matt will be locked inside an apartment writing, editing, and posting all Nada’s articles. He will publish said articles under the names of the current staff, all of whom will have resigned in 2001 over the “buttplug incident.” Matt will have all his groceries, (which will consist solely of beer, cigarettes, diet pills, and corn), delivered to his apartment. Three delivery drivers will quit rather than deliver to him again.
Abby: Describe Nada Mucho in one word.
Abby: Tell us about your relationship w/ each other.
Matt: We met in 1983 at a Duran Duran concert. He was wearing a Nick Rhodes T-shirt and I sported a Simon LeBon tank-top. We got to chatting about the Rio album. Eventually he invited me over to his parent’s house to eat potatoes and refried beans. The rest is history.
Gabe: The truth is, we met in the basement of now-defunct Yakima, WA, fantasy role-playing game store. I was there as Agni, a fighter-cleric with 18 wisdom and 18 dexterity and poorly developed social skills. Matt was there as Gilthonial, a female half-elf mage with a 19 charisma, if you know what I mean. Weâ’ve been inseparable ever since.
Abby: Matt, tell us something about Gabe, that Most people don’t know. Gabe, same question, tell us something about Matt.
Matt: Gabe got more action off Church Youth Group chicks in Jr. High than any man alive.
Gabe: Matt plays a mean game of Jarts. He also likes to rub glitter on his nipples. In 8th grade the local Artic Circle featured a prominently displayed poster of Matt pitching in Little League. Matt was born in Detroit, three blocks away from Motown Studios. Matt has two middle names: Ian Zeiring.