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What We Would Call Our Band (If we knew how to sing or play any instruments)

Posted by June 12th, 2007 1 Comment »

By Nada Staff

Most of the staff is not talented enough to play in a band (which requires not only physical dexterity in the extremities but also the memorization of scales…ugh).

These challenges have not, however, precluded us from compulsively brainstorming band names since we were old enough to walk.

In this new regular feature, we share some ideas from our master list of about 8,000 (think of all the ones we forgot to write down).

1) Tsunami Death Toll
MA: One of my favorite band names I’ve come up with. Man does it make me want to have a speed metal band.
SO: One that features Japanese flute solos.
AL: And soundscapes reminiscent of the ocean.
CA: I was more thinking relaxing music that’s great for Yoga. Kind of like Deerhoof.

2) The False Hopes
MA: Are these guys a bad country band or a good punk band? I can’t decide.
SO: More like a rockabilly/punk band in the vein of Social D. You want to love them, but instead you just end up listening to “White Light White Heat White Trash” again.
AL: The False Hopes can play the imaginary bar I will one day own with “Shallow Graves.”
CA: I’m thinking Boston meets Son Volt.
MA: Ah yes, after all these years of anticipation, finally….. Boston meets Son Volt.

The Best Band Name We Came Up with Whilst Preparing this Article: The Frail Bottoms.

3) Rumplefuckstick
SO: A Band without a genre. So many influences tend to make their music sound like a bad alt rock radio countdown.
AL: Flogging the bloated Limp Bizkit corpse, their set list is largely made up of Nu-Metal covers.
: You are both wrong. Rumplefuckstick are a White rap group – M.C. Rumple and DJ Fuckstick. Their first album will be called “He’s the Rumple and I’m the Fuckstick.”
SO: Can I be “Rumple?”
MA: Sorry man, you’re definitely “Fuckstick.”

4) The Isles of Mepos
MA: In an ideal world, this band would sound like The Rentals meets The Vaselines. More likely, they’d sound like Nerf Herder.
SO: Exactly – geek rock gone band. Forcing the issue of silliness and what not, The Isles of Mepos come off sounding like sarcastic yet pretentious assholes.
AL: Twee comes to mind. Very, very twee.
CA: And the lead singer looks like Yanni but sounds like Weird Al.

5) The Bernard Gilkey Conundrum
MA: Heavy prog–rock, man.
SO: Or maybe a jazz trio with the occasional guest scatter.
AL: Yeah man, you have to listen to the notes they’re “not” playing.
Listen “between the notes.”
These guys would have lots of tambourines, triangles, and spoken word. The only problem is they may infringe on the copyright of another great band, “The Compendium of Cuddily Corbin Bernsenses.”

6) The Flesh-Colored Pantaloons
AL: This sounds like one of the terrible local hippie jam bands that play Folklife every year.
SO: I can’t help but think of the Ben Folds Five.
MA: When do you not think of the Ben Folds Five?

7) Ample Girth
MA: Nearly incompetent sludge-rock.
SO:Very incompetent skronk rock. I actually posed as a member of this imaginary group in college. Everyone said they had heard of us. Dumbasses.
AL: Tad?
CA: More like Heart and Meatloaf, together at last.

8) The Jim Plunkett Project
CA: Jazz-inspired pop-rock fusion interpretations of modern classics.
SO: A collective of clever, yet failed singer songwriters. They band together to form one supergroup and rise to a second level of mediocrity.
AL: This is what the ’85 Chicago Bears would do after the “Super Bowl Shuffle” hysteria died out. That Jim McMahon could RAP!

9) The Karl Mecklenberg Trio
MA: The short-lived and only known “Jim Plunkett Project” tribute band.
PB: Fuck.

10) Gorgon
MA: German post new wave industrial metal.
AL: I see lifting weights in Gorgon’s future. They’re this generation’s Manowar.
: “Vee are Gorgon. Vee have come to make the rock.”

Chris Allison, Matt Ashworth, Paul Broderson, Adam Lawrence and Sean Oliver contributed to this mess.

One thought on “What We Would Call Our Band (If we knew how to sing or play any instruments)

  1. Jim Toohey says:

    I would call my band: “Dirty Milk”- Shoe Gazer meets the evil doings of suburban housewives with the occasional lead of a dirty grungy guitar.

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